Sand

Today is a bright, beautiful spring day, warm and inviting. I went out for a breif walk in the woods around my house, and visited spots I have not seen in 8 months, since before the snow covered everythng up. I followed a trail of turkey feathers, and found the spot where the poor bird met it’s end, a heap of chewed bones and smaller feathers. I brought the larger feathers home, to do something with.

One of the things that I look at when I walk out there is what trees need to come down, areas that need cleaning up, where I might want to improve a path, etc. It used to be that I’d gather up my chain saw, work gloves, and other tools, and spend an afternoon cutting down trees, cutting the trees into firewood, clearing brush, and generally enjoying my role as steward for my tiny estate.

But I can’t do that any more. It made me so angry this afternoon, feeling my back and legs telling me we weren’t going to do that stuff today, and probably not tomorrow either. I had this feeling last summer, that I could not do that woods-work that I love so much. The difference was that last summer it was a sad lament, poor me, sort of thing, and today it is anger. It’s pissing me off.

So in the spirit of Camille challenging herself to quit smoking – and sharing that challenge with others – I am challenging myself to lose the weight that I know I need to and to get myself moving. I need to turn that anger into resolve to do whatever I can to get back out into the woods. Maybe that will end up being the opportunity given me through multiple sclerosis.

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