the thing i keep coming back to is that the worst thing about ms (and this is a revelation that you have probably already arrived at) is the not knowing. not knowing where the journey is going. i wish that ms would just show itself to me, to stop playing this cruel and horrible game of hide and seek, and just get it over with. i want to know how bad it is going to get. i can deal with the fact that i can’t climb mountains or ski any more, and i can deal with the almost imperceptible creeping fatigue. i can even deal with not being able to play the guitar for more than five minutes before my hands can’t make the right shapes.
but i am finding it very difficult to deal with the suspense. how bad is it going to get? am i going to be in a wheelchair? am i going to be blind? or is my current state as bad as it is going to get? i am usually the kind of person who prefers the journey to the destination, but this not a pleasant journey and i am anxious for the destination. i just want to know. you know?