my left foot

interesting movie, as i recall. i am off tomorrow to lovely bangor, maine, to get my left-foot accelerator pedal installed. about 4 hours round trip, plus the hour and a half for the installation. then i have to drive around parking lots, out of traffic, learning how to use it – backing up, parallel parking, etc. – so i can pass the driving test and get officially licenced to use it. a good friend of mine told me this is about retaining control of my life, not giving in to my “disability,” and i suppose she is right. actually, i think it’ll be kind of cool, and how nice to be able to drive in far greater comfort than i do now.

here’s a funny thing. i’ve been using my cane almost all the time (don’t leave home without it!) and i find that when i don’t use it, i seem to turn to my left, listing to port in nautical terms. maybe i rely on it too much?

i had my tysabri #11 today, and i will see my neuro in a few weeks (i went to see him a week ago, only to discover i was a month early for the appointment. a little embarassing. i guess my little reminders are only as good as the person posting them.) to discuss whether or not to continue the treatments. i’m on the fence about it. i hate the whole i.v. part, getting stuck, it usually hurts and i’m a big baby. i also don’t like putting something like that into my body if i don’t need to. not to mention the expense. i’m not paying for it, but someone is, and if it’s not really doing me any good, it just seems wasteful. the only real way to know if it is doing me any good is to stop taking it, and see what happens. i’ll either get worse even faster than i am now, or i won’t. maybe it plays into my desire to not have to wait to find out how bad this is going to get, to just get it over with.

anyway, the sun is setting outside my office window, and, were it not for the trees, i could see it setting over mt. washington. my son is doing trail maintenance work on the other side of the mountain from here, over on mt. jefferson, working for the randolph mountain club to keep the trails passable. work that my dad did back in 1951. he’s out there somewhere, hopefully keeping his feet dry and being careful with the axe.

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