there are millions of blogs out here. millions of people who assume that other people are interested enough in their lives to visit their blogs and read of their daily exploits. true, some of those blogs are about something more than just an individual, like kevin kelly’s lifestream, or a softer world, but the vast majority of blogs are simply people writing about their lives – like this one. as i wrote before my little hiatus, i find it hard to believe that anyone is really interested in my little life. the writing of this, i think, is more therapeutic for me than anything else.
anyway, i want to thank merelyme for giving me this opportunity to write directly and in some depth about my experience with ms. she writes often and eloquently about ms and depression at healthcentral.com, and Multiple Synchronicities, gave me the chance, in the form of a sort of interview, to write about a topic that does not come up very often in conversation. i was able to forward the link on to several people, mostly family members, who all responded that they had no idea what i was dealing with (except my sister, who also has ms, and who understands). my step mother printed it out for my dad (a luddite who does not like looking at computer screens), who wrote me a somewhat distressing letter telling me how upset he was, writing, “i grind my teeth as i read your words and wonder how in hell i could deal with such a curse if i were in your shoes.” i tend to keep my troubles pretty close to the chest, so he really didn’t know a lot of my feelings about ms. anyway, i am honored that i was offered this chance to step up to the microphone so to speak, and write honestly and openly about how this disease has affected me.
i am in the middle of a fascinating book, “spontaneous healing,” by andrew weil, (reviewed here) which is giving me a great deal of hope, and turning my mind to the belief that i can not only regain some of what has been lost, but maybe even heal some of the damage done to my little brain. his “prescription” of optimism and the firm belief that we humans have remarkable healing capacity is truly inspiring. there is too much offered here to bite off more than a little bit at a time. i go back and forth between just wanting more and more drugs to deal with this stupid disease (i’m going to start ldn, as soon as i can find a compounding pharmacy to make it for me.), and believing that i can heal myself. i guess it comes down to a combination of both. i have a christian scientist friend who has been very helpful, but i also agree with what a character on law & order said, a boy with brain cancer who’s parents were christian scientists, that god gave us all of these medical tools, so why not use them.
so just change in course in the path for me, some new ideas to play with. and thanks again to merelyme for giving me the soapbox to preach from. may you all be so lucky.