for some reason, it just struck me today that i am fully fed up with my physical situation as it is now. i don’t want to be in wheelchair, or use a walker or a cane the rest of my life. don’t want to carry minor pain the rest of my life. i want to start investigating macrobiotics, homeopathy, etc. i am just fed up and completely sick of the drugs. i’ve done everything the docs have told me, and i’ve gotten progressively worse. maybe that’s just the way it’s going to go, but i am angry, and NEED to be more proactive in HEALING this problem. i don’t believe it can be impossible – the body can do remarkable things. i have no idea where any of it will lead, but here i am at 50, and i’m shuffling and nearly falling and not sleeping well and starting to feel that there will come a day when i can’t walk at all or drive a car. getting dressed is already difficult sometimes, taking a shower is no longer the refreshing experience it used to be. i can’t accept that this is just the way it is.
i had an mri a week ago, and my neuro said that if we see any activity, he will strongly reccomend my getting back on meds, which in this case means cytoxan (pretty nasty stuff). i said ok, i’d do it. but now i’m not so sure. there is no proof that this will do me any good, but plenty of evidence it wil be unpleasant (at best) and harmful (at worst). so i will wait to hear about the results of the mri.
but i’m tired of doing everything THEY tell me to do, and i keep getting worse. there has to be a better way.
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