10/17/17

Some mornings when I wake up, and I find it really hard to get out of bed. Some mornings, I wake up and nothing is cramping or numb or tingling. I’m not feeling those random bee stings or pushpins my legs. My mind is relatively calm, the anxiety hasn’t wound up yet. My bladder is cooperating. Some mornings, all of the usual reasons that chase me out of bed early are leaving me alone. But still, it’s hard to get out of bed.

Every now and then, the planets align, and lying in bed under the covers feels too good to interrupt.

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One morning in Maine

How nice to wake up in the morning (my favorite way to start the day) to find that my mind wasn’t racing off in anxiety driven confusion, my legs weren’t cramping, my arms weren’t numb, my back, or neck, or shoulders weren’t aching, and I didn’t have to get up RIGHT NOW to pee. I was actually able to lie back and close my eyes and breathe for an hour. A rare treat.

This sings me to sleep, and often plays on repeat all night. It is a comfort, somehow, to wake in the middle of the night and hear is softly playing in my ear. And to wake up with it repeating in my mind.