the world without us

just finished reading this book, a thoughtful examination of what we humans have done to the planet, and what it might do if we, suddenly, should vanish. my favorite passage:

“There will be plenty of surprises. Let’s face it: who would’ve predicted the existence of turtles? Who would ever have imagined that an organism would essentially turn itself inside out, pulling it’s shoulder girdle inside its ribs to form a carapace? If turtles didn’t exist, no vertebrate biologist would’ve suggested anything would do that: he’d have been laughed out of town. The only real prediction you can make is that life will go on. And that it will be interesting.”

just had my tysabri #11, maybe my last. i will be talking to my neuro in a few weeks, and will talk about whether or not to continue. i don’t really see the point. have continued to worsen the whole time i’ve been on this stuff, and it just seems pointless to me to continue.

but something has to change. i can’t keep on like this – i just don’t feel healthy. taking speed during the day, then clonopin or ambien to sleep at night, etc. maybe i just can’t get past the idea (even now, 5 years after dx) that these symptoms are somehow under my control. the idea that, if i get tired out after walking down the hall, it’s because my leg/back muscles are weak, and that by engaging in increased effort, i can build the strength. when in reality, my legs are fine, it’s my brain that is screwy.

but maybe dr. neuro can straighten me out.